Friday, September 29, 2006

Shabbat Shalom, MotherF@#$er!


I hope you all appreciate the quote from the Hebrew Hammer. It's just a little something for all my Jewish friends out there. And you know who you are. Anyway, it's Friday and I'm back to make the picks for this weekend. I know I said that someone else was going to do this, but alas, you are stuck with me for now. This week I've decided to do my picks and the SM side by side. This way we'll be able to see just how much better the SM is than me. I have yet to beat the SM in any week and I'm fairly confident that I won't do it this week either. I know Bruce isn't reading this, but I wanted to say happy atoning to all my friends who are members of the tribe. Good luck with that fasting thing. On to the picks!

Home team in Bold

San Diego - 2.5 Baltimore
A battle of unbeatens in Baltimore. San Diego is coming off a bye week and look to be in good shape. Baltimore had an usually tough time with Cleveland last week. What does all this mean? I have no freaking idea. This is a field goal game. The question is which way will it go. The SM says take Baltimore. I'm going to be contrary and say take San Diego and give the points. By the way, a little know fact is that the Germans named San Diego, which of course means "a whale's vagina".

Carolina -7 New Orleans
Apparently the strong start by the saints has left Las Vegas unimpressed. Despite a 3-0 record they enter the game a touchdown underdog to the struggling Panthers. I'm not sure why the spread is so big, but this looks like a mistake to me. The SM says take New Orleans. I'll have to agree on this one and take the points as well.

Miami -3.5 Houston
Miami has looked pretty bad through the first three weeks of the season. They managed a win last week, but it was a struggle. The Texans have yet to win this year but at least they have shown the ability to score some points. Dante Culpepper is still performing like the artist formely known as Dante Culpepper, so I'm thinking that this is as good a spot for Houston's first win as any. The SM takes Houston. I'll agree and take the points.

Indianapolis -9 Jets
The Jets are an enigma. They have no offense at all last week and yet they went into Buffalo and came out with a win. The Colts played a tough game against the Jags last week, but are still undefeated. I expect that Peyton Manning will torch the suspect secondary of the Jets for a few touchdowns. The question is, will that be enough to cover the 9 points? The SM says take the Jets. The SM especially likes home underdogs by more than a touchdown. I'll take the Colts and give the points in this one.

Dallas -9.5 Tennessee
Tennessee is sticking with Kerry Collins for at least another week, but I expect that Vince Young will be at the ready on the bench. The Titans offense is still pretty much a mess and I don't expect that they'll turn that around this week. The Cowboys have problems of their own. Terry Glen is slightly banged up and TO, well lets just say that a trip to the hospital for a drug overdose or whatever the hell that was is not exactly the best way to prepare for an upcoming game. TO still has a broken bone in his hand and I have no idea how effective he can be. Bledsoe will be starting this week, but I think that he too is on a short leash. Tony Romo is keeping his arm warm. The SM says the Titans will cover at home. I have to agree on this one. I just don't think that this is a 10 point game.


Atlanta -7.5 Arizona
Arizona has burned me every week this year. I'm sure they will manage to trip me up again this week. It's like they have a personal grudge against me or something. The Falcons got beat pretty bad on Monday in New Orleans, so they should be plenty angry and ready to put a hurtin' on somebody. That somebody is going to be Kurt Warner. I think we may see Matt Leinart before the end of this game. The SM says take Arizona. I'm going with Atlanta to win by two touchdowns.

Buffalo -1 Minnesota
This is basically a pick 'em game. Both teams are coming off touch losses at home. The Vikings lost late in the game to Chicago and the Bills mixed a great offensive output with turnovers to somehow lose to the Jets. I think the Vikings are the better team at this point. Buffalo does have a strong home field advantage, but it didn't do them much good against the Jets. The SM takes the Vikings and I'm going along for the ride on this one.

Kansas City -7 San Francisco
San Francisco has played better than expected to this point. They did get the snot beat out them last week by the Eagles, but that was to be expected. The Chiefs have Larry Johnson, which always makes them dangerous, but they are starting Damon Huard at QB. Who the hell is Damon Huard you ask? Exactly is all I have to say to that. The SM takes San Fran and so am I.

St. Louis -6 Detroit
The Rams are six point favorite over the winless Lions. These are not exactly high powered offenses. The Rams are a long way from the "greatest show on turf" days. And Detroit hasn't been the same since Barry Sanders left. Hell, they weren't that great when he was there. The Lions drafted a WR as their number one pick for three years in a row. Roy Willams is the only one who has turned out to be a smart pick. The SM says take Detroit. I'm picking the Rams because they are at home and because honestly, I'm midly retarded.

Cleveland -3 Oakland
How bad do you have to be to be a field goal underdog at home to a winless team? Oakland Raiders bad. The Browns come in after a near win versus the Ravens. That is enough to make them favorites in this game. The Raiders are absolutely lost at this point. Al Davis must be rolling over in his grave. What's that you say? He's not dead. His team sure as hell is. They have one the NFL's best weapons in Randy Moss but they can't get the ball to him. Their QB sucks and overall they have the worst offense in the league. Cleveland's offense isn't much better, but they have at least shown the ability to get the ball to their offensive stars. The SM says take the Raiders. I don't think this the week they get their first win. I'll give the points and take the Browns.

Jacksonville -3 Washington
Washington managed to beat Houston last week, and in the process Mark Brunell set a record for consecutive completions. The Jacksonville defense will present a little more a challenge for Mr. Brunell this weekend. Jacksonville lost a tough game to the Colts last week, but their defense has proven to be teams strongest weapon. The SM takes the Redskins but I'll take the Jags.

Cincinnati -6 New England
I'm sure it's been a while since the Patriots have given this many points to a team. They are a team in decline at this point. The Bengals are a team on the rise and may be the best team in the AFC. As long as Carson Palmer continues to throw the ball well, I think that the Bengals will be just fine. The SM takes the Patriots, I'm going with the Bengals.

Chicago -3.5 Seattle
Shaun Alexander is not going play in this game. He hasn't been effective this season anyway, so I'm not sure how much of a loss that is going to be. Despite his claim that the Lord has healed him, the coaching staff thought better of playing him this week. The Lord does work in mysterious ways, but healing a RB's broken bone? I don't think so. The Chicago defense has been it's usual stingy self and they have shown more offensive firepower than I believed they possessed. I'm starting to get on the Bears bandwagon. This is a statement game for them. This could be a real passing of the torch for best team in the NFC. Or not. The SM takes Seattle. I'm taking Da Bearse! Da Bearse!

That's it for now. Tune in on Monday when we reaffirm, once again that the Spiegler Method is indeed the greatest thing since sliced bread. By the way, I've always had a question about that. Why is Sliced bread so great? And if bread came in a unsliced loaf, how hard would it be to slice it? I don't know maybe it's just me, but I just don't get that one. Have a good weekend everybody. Oh before I go, I have to say congratulations to my friend Claire Campbell, who called me up this morning to tell me that she was engaged. Great job, Brian. And remember if you end up hurting her, I will hunt you down and force you to watch every episode of Mama's Family, which is a fate worse than death. Just kidding. Or maybe not. No, just kidding. MAYBE.

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