Friday, October 20, 2006

Week 7: No time for clever title


Not much time today. Too much work to do! Home teams in bold.

I'm doing my post mortem early this week. Best to get it out of the way today, because who knows what kind of mood I'll be in tomorrow. Win or lose, I'll definately be hung over and in no mood to look back. I've also decided to grade myself on a curve. Close is good enough for me.

San Diego (-5.5) Kansas City
Kansas City. The Chargers can’t play there, and the Chiefs are going to be good and pissed after last week. Told you so. Never bet on the Chargers in KC. One point for me.

Jacksonville (-10) Houston
I have no logical reason for thinking this, but I’m picking Houston. I know Jacksonville is better. I know they had a bye last week. I know how bad Houston is. I just can’t help myself. I state boldly and with absolutely nothing to back this up: Houston wins this game. I'm tempted to give myself two points for this even though this prediction was based on nothing more than a vague feeling. I won't, but I am compelled to point out that I was right, and everyone else was wrong. One more for me.

New England (-6) Buffalo
New England is marginally better than they were when they barely managed to beat the Bills in Week 1. Buffalo is much, much worse. I don’t anticipate anything surprising happening here. Another one for me. I rock this week!

Pittsburgh (-3) Atlanta
I’m picking a hell of a lot of visiting teams this week. This could be the week that I prove to the world that I’m not as smart as I think I am. Pittsburgh to take this, because they’re starting to get good and Atlanta is…a very strange team. It’s time to stop this ridiculous QB experiment and give Vick a chance to shine in a position it looks like he can play—WR. Actually I'm a complete idiot this week. Well played, Mr. Vick. Ah well, a blip on the horizon. Nothing more.

Miami (-5) Green Bay
Dolphins. Poor Brett. I’ve hated him for so long, but now I just feel bad for him. And kind of happy that I can finally just ignore him. Damn it.

Philadelphia (-6) Tampa Bay
No fucking way Tampa Bay does it two weeks in a row. I’m already preparing myself to sit through McNabb’s highlight reel on Sunday night. Be warned, though, Eagles fans (gag). They’re going to have to play a lot better against the Bucs than they did against the Saints to cover this one. I'm of two minds about this. On the one hand, things look dire as far as my picks go. On the other, I am thrilled to be wrong about this. Two losses in a row. That must sting in Philly. Huzzah!

NY Jets (-3.5) Detroit
An old boyfriend of mine took me to see the Jets play the Lions once. The Jets lost 7-6 while I sat in the rain trying to decide if this dude was really worth me freezing my ass off for three hours in New Jersey. As it turns out, he wasn’t. I predict this game to go differently. The Jets will beat Detroit 7-6, and I will not watch it! I'm giving myself half a point for this. I didn't think the Jets would cover, but I did say they would win. I also predicted that I wouldn't watch the game, and I didn't. It's enough for the .5.

Cincinnati (-3.5) Carolina
My head says the Panthers, and my heart says the Bengals (For you Dad!). Carolina is better, but Cincinnati needs it more. And that is how I shall justify this pick to myself against all contrary evidence. Cincinnati. I'm also giving myself half a point for this, because I totally cheered for Cincy on Sunday when everyone else scoffed.

Denver (-5.5) Cleveland
I can’t bring myself to care about this game. I’m thinking about it now hoping to get some kind of inspiration, but it’s just not coming. I expect Denver will win it, and I will yawn and change the channel. Still don't care. One more point for me.

Indianapolis (-9.5) Washington
Both of these teams could have lost to Tennessee. Only one of them did. Indy isn’t quite as scary as it used to be, but they are still good enough to give Washington another richly deserved weekend of misery. For a second I was worried Brunel was going to pull off some kind of 2nd half heroics, and Washington was going to, ahem. Sorry. Can't finish that thought without laughing. One for me.

Seattle (-6.5) Minnesota
If I cared about the Rams, I would think that they end of the game last week was kind of bullshit. But I don’t, so that’s someone else’s fight. I have been entirely wrong about Seattle all year, save that one weekend they lost to Chicago. I thought they would be nothing on the road. Goes to show you never can tell, Any given Sunday, etc. Here you’ve got them going up against a crappier team at home. Seahawks to roll on. I have been so completely wrong about Seattle all year, that I'm subtracting half a point for this one. That will teach me to spout off.

Arizona (-3) Oakland
You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re a three point underdog at home. To the Cardinals. I’ve been impressed by Leinart thus far, but this may very well be his last chance to win a road game this year. In a remarkable coincidence this might also be the only game Oakland can win this year. Period. 0-16 is unlikely, but not inconceivable. It’s quite a conundrum we have here. The worst team in the league is hosting a team that could lose to the worst team in the league. What to do, what to do? On the one hand Oakland will be desperate, and that could make them dangerous at home. On the other, when/if Arizona goes up by 20, they’re not going to have to worry about a last minute comeback. I think that from here on out, my strategy with the Raiders will be the exact opposite of my strategy with the Saints. New Orleans gets my vote until they lose. Oakland doesn’t until they win. Or at least put on a game that I feel compelled to spend more than 45 seconds watching. Somebody better break up the Raiders!

Dallas (-3.5) NY Giants
Cowboys have to win this. No further discussion. After this week, they’re playing three in a row on the road, and they absolutely cannot go into that 3-3.

And a warning to you, Big Fat Tuna: This is your last chance with me. I think you are now and have always been overrated (Yeah, I said it), and in your time with the Cowboys you have done nothing to disabuse me of this notion. So I say this to you now, win.this.fucking.game. Just win it. I don’t care how you do it, just get it done. Per ESPN this morning, Bledsoe is worried about the Giants defense. I would certainly hope so. I also hope he's worried about his propensity to toss the game into the hands of opposing cornerbacks, linebackers, mascots, etc. I'll be watching this game with Giants fans tonight, so don't let me down boys. I've known you, loved you, and supported you for a great many years now, and I really, really need a win here. You know what I really don't need? I don't need the game to drag on and on. Score early, score often, and let's try and end this by midnight.

Result (Not including Monday night):
5.5 out of 12. No pass no play, TLE. Get those grades up, or you're through for the season.

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