Monday, November 05, 2007

The Sweet Smell of Success

Here's the recap of my picks for the weekend.

Redskins (-3.5) at Jets
The Jets are terrible. They are throwing the untested QB to the wolves and the Redskins have to be pretty pissed off after getting embarrassed by the Patriots last week. The SM says the Jets will cover, I say different. I'm picking the Skins to win 28-10.
See what happens when I go against the SM? I end up looking like an idiot. Maybe that's what I intended all along? I'm hoping to convince someone of this. Anyone, anyone? Bueller? Me 0-1, SM 1-0.

Green Bay at KC (-2)
The odds makers are apparently unimpressed by Green Bay's 7-1 start. Kansas City has been on a roll of late and I believe sit in first place in the AFC least also known as the west. The SM says take Green Bay and so that is exactly what I'm going to do. Green Bay 24-21.
And do you see how smart I look when I let the SM do it's job. Brett Favre is apparently out to show everyone that the Packers are indeed one of the NFC's best teams and at this point I have no reason to doubt him. I still think he's a self absorbed jackass, but he certainly knows how to throw that football around. I'm still waiting on the Dan Marino HBO special celebrating Favre setting the all-time interception record. Me 1-1, SM 2-0.

Arizona at Tampa (-3.5)
Tampa has a pretty porous run defense, so the Edge should have a good week. Kurt Warner has some good weapons to use and he should have a couple of good games left in that arm of his. This one is a SM special. Tampa 17-14.
I guess the SM isn't infallible. Tampa Bay did indeed cover the spread. Why couldn't I have picked this game. Seriously, the sum of my football knowledge could fit in a thimble. I tiny, tiny thimble that only microscopic single celled organisms could use. Me 1-2, SM 2-1.

Carolina at Tennessee (-4)
Carolina's starting QB choices are the ancient Vinny Testaverde and the beaten to a pulp David Carr. The only reason that the spread is so low is that Vince Young seems to have forgotten how to complete a forward pass. Young is also nursing a leg injury, so I don't expect much running from him either. This could be a very low scoring affair. Use the SM here. Tennessee wins 10-7.
How on earth does Tennessee keep on winning with Vince Young throwing for 100 yards a game? I had Vince Young as my starting fantasy QB this year (I know it was a stupid choice, but I missed the live draft, OK? Get off my back. Why can't you ever say anything nice to me?) and he single handedly has relegated me to the lower reaches of the standings. I wouldn't feel so bad about that except the Titans keep on winning in spite of him. This pisses me off to no end. If my team sucks because of him, then his own team should suck too (why doesn't life work the way I want it to?). Me 1-3. SM 2-2.

San Francisco at Atlanta (-3)
Jesus! is it just me or is the NFL just filled with teams that absolutely suck? Wow, you couldn't pay me to watch this game. At least when Atlanta had Michael Vick, it was enjoyable to watch him run around before throwing an interception. Joey Harrington has thrown 4 TDs, 4 picks and has rushed for less than 20 yards. San Francisco gets Alex Smith back this week and that should be enough to put them over the top. Use the SM in this game as well. 49ers 28-12.
This is just getting embarrassing now. I'm going to start using the Mussina rule. The Mussina rule is based on Mike Mussina who blames everything, except that fact that he was terrible, for a loss. I'm going to start with the fact that my computer was acting up. I also had a bad sandwich for lunch. My Lupus was acting up. My girlfriend left me. I ran out of gas. My radiator was overheating. It's not my fault! It's not my fault! How about a little sympathy, people. Me 1-4. SM 2-3.

Jacksonville at New Orleans (-3.5)
Jacksonville released their '06 starting QB in the off-season and lost their '07 starter last week. Now they will be led by someone named Quinn Gray (no, I've never heard of him either). The Saints are actually starting to hit their stride and Drew Brees had a phenomenal game last week against the 49ers. This one has the smell of a blowout. Disregard the SM on this one and take the Saints 31-7.
Wow. Will wonders never cease. This makes it sound like I actually know what I'm talking about. Brees threw for almost 450 yards and the Saints blew out the Jags. I know what you're going to say, that even the sun shines on a dogs ass sometimes. Fine, be that way. You know what screw you. I don't need you or your approval. Maybe if you would have taken me fishing when I was a kid I wouldn't have turned out like this. You only have yourself to blame. Me 2-4. SM 2-4.

Denver at Detroit (-3)
Denver is not the same team outside of mile high stadium (or whatever hell they call their new home), and apparently they aren't the same inside of it either. Detroit has some weapons on offense and they are undefeated at home. I would say that the SM would be good for this one, but I'm thinking of the glory days of Denver. This team has one quality win this year (against Pittsburgh in Denver) and a couple of squeakers against two bad teams (Oakland in OT and a one point win against Buffalo). I'm tempted to pick against the SM here and that exactly what I'm going to do. Detroit 30-20. I know I'm gonna regret that one on Monday.
Two in row! How about that. I'm on a roll. There are so many little people to thank. I'm not sure where to start. First of all I'd like to thank the guy who I buy a banana from every morning. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that guy makes sure that I get the day off to a good start. Then I'd like to thank...oh to hell with it. It's clear that outside of the fruit guy, this was all me. Kneel before my superiority. Ha, Ha (that's my superior laugh). Me 3-4. SM 2-5.

Cincinnati at Buffalo (pick 'em)
Well the SM is useless here. This situation doesn't come up very often. We have a fairly anemic Buffalo offense against hard to figure out Bengals. The Bengals looked like the best team in football early last season, but have been mediocre every since. They gave up an astonishing 51 points to Cleveland earlier in the season, so we know that they have the ability to give up a lot of points. They also scored 45 points in that game, so we know that they can put points on the board. Their biggest accomplishment this season was holding New England under 40 points. Buffalo has won two fairly low scoring games in a row. The question is whether they can stop the Bengals offense. I'm leaning toward the Bengals in the is game (because I flipped a coin and it came up heads). I say this one goes the way of the tigers 24-13.
And just like that, my winning streak comes to an end. I was on top of the world there for an all too brief time. I was a modern day Icarus and when the sun melted my wings, I fell hard. But to soar above the ground was exhilarating. I only wish that you all could have experienced it with me (not really, but it makes me sound more humble if I say that). Me 3-5. SM 2-5.

San Diego (-7) at Minnesota
San Diego seems to be rolling after an early season hiccup. Minnesota pretty much has one weapon, Adrian Peterson. He has had one incredible game and the Vikings rolled to 34 points. Outside of that they have been fairly pedestrian. The SM says take the home dog, and while I have no reason to think that the game will go that way, who am I to argue. San Diego 30-24.
I get the win here, but I really don't deserve it. Peterson set an NFL record by rushing for 296 yards and the Vikings crushed the Chargers. This isn't like kissing your sister (which is the common analogy for a tie), this is more like rushing out to buy the new Michael Bolton CD. You own it, but it's your dirty little secret. Me 4-5. SM 3-5.

Seattle at Cleveland (-1)
Look how far the mighty have fallen. Just two seasons ago the Seahawks were in the Superbowl, now they are underdogs to Cleveland. The Browns are no longer a pushover and have scored over 40 points in two games this year. I have no reason to believe that Seattle will be able to overcome the Dog Pound. Screw the SM take the Browns 24-13.
Who ever thought that .500 could feel so good? Ah mediocrity, your smell is so sweet that I wish I could bathe in your goodness forever. Me 5-5. SM 3-6.

New England (-5.5) at Indianapolis
Indianapolis 34-31. I think there's been enough written about this game. Plus I really want to be done with this.
Still too much written about this game. The SM prevails. Me 6-5. SM 4-6.

Houston at Oakland (-3)
Oakland's not very good. They've lost three games in a row in fact. Their offense is anemic, although Dante Culpepper is capable of putting up big numbers. Houston also sucks. This is another battle between terrible teams. The NFL seems to specialize in these. Go with the SM. Houston 3-0.
The Texans pulled this game out even though their starting QB was out with an injury. I was right, the Raiders are terrible. The teams did manage to score a lot more points than I thought was possible. On a personal note I picked up the Raiders running back, Justin Fargas, for my fantasy team (who happens to be the son of Huggy Bear of Starkey & Hutch fame), and he ran for 104 yards and a touchdown. I know that no one cares about that particular fact, but if you're reading this blog, I figured that I'd just bore you more than you already are. Me 7-5. SM 5-6.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-9)
Baltimore gets Steve McNair back this week. That's enough for me to endorse the SM pick in this game. Pittsburgh wins a close one 24-21.
I somehow managed to skip the Cowboys game and pick the Monday night game. I assure that this was not my intention. However since I'm now guaranteed a winning week regardless of the outcome of this game, I will now pretend that I did it on purpose (I probably shouldn't have written that). I chose to ignore the Cowboys game because as a fan of the 'Boys, I feel it would be wrong to even guess at the outcome of the game based on the point spread. My only concern is that the Cowboys win the game (of course I would have probably picked the Eagles to cover the spread, because they were at home and the SM would have demanded it). So I'm happy that the Cowboys won and I don't think we need to say any more about that.

The Steelers destroyed the Ravens on Monday Night, but since I never intended to pick the Monday Night game, I'm not going to count this one against my record. What? Does someone have something to say? I didn't think so.



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