Clarity Comes With The Day After, If You Put The Bottle Down.

alcohol is a funny thing. it makes the weak, strong. it makes the meek, proud—sometimes, even boastful. and on occasion, it makes an ordinary man squeeze his nether regions between his legs and don his ex-girlfriend’s thong only to do a rendition of the macarena at 2:45 in morning in front of a full-length mirror, alone.

but enough about me. this is the NFL. this is football. this is my
“its-not-you-it’s-me” session. this is where i come clean, and apologize to all the loyal readers of this blog for leading them astray. so here i go.

if you read no further, i went 6-5. which makes me a winner, despite what my parents have told me for the last 32 years. on with the results.

Minnesota at Chicago (1-0)
“adrian peterson has a career game”. i guess that might have been the understatement of the blog. 224 yrds rushing and 3 TDs eclipsed a 31 year-old rushing record for the vikings. i said take the vikings. the line said take the bears. looks like the football gods smiled upon me.

Miami at Cleveland
 (1-1)
when you’re drinking, sometimes you get up from the table in the middle of a conversation to go to the restroom and come back, only to find out that the conversation has moved on. unfortunately, the whole time you’ve been in the restroom, you’ve been developing an amazing argument. you get back to table, spout off your thesis statement and realize that you’ve missed the train, entirely.

this happened during my cleveland/miami pick. i said greise would have a horrible game. greise wasn’t even in this game. i take full responsibility for this. if you put money on this game because of greise, please contact me. i want to make fun of you in public to divert any attention focused on me.

Washington at Green Bay (no pick, 1-1)
had i (or you) gone with my initial logic, 
this was a solid pick.

Cincinnati at Kansas City
 (no pick, 1-1)
i still firmly believe that they are both losers.

Tennessee at Tampa Bay
 (1-2)
i said superman would “will” them to victory. superman goes out with an injury mid-way thru the 3rd quarter. TB scores 10 pts thereafter, and wins by 3. bummer.

St. Louis at Baltimore
(2-2)
this wasn’t really a fair pick. but i got it none-the-less.

Houston at Jacksonville
(3-2)
the win was right, the points were sooo far wrong, i don’t even want to talk about it. but a win is a win.

Philadelphia at NY jets
 (4-2)
what can i say. J-E-T-S-will-let-u-down, down, down! btw: did anyone else watch sportscenter this weekend when they had kermit the frog doing an interview with jets & eagles fans? was it me, or did kermit sound really weird? they should bring the old guy back that used to do his voice. the new guy is waaay off.

Carolina at Arizona
 (4-3)
i put my faith in warner. he goes out early. and who could’ve predicted testeverde? that’s almost a better story than warner. due to a lack of info, i personally deem this a tie. but money laid is money played. so there you go. honesty. i hope you’re satisfied.

Oakland at San Diego
 (4-4)
“LT fails to live up to the hype once again.” like communism, the designated hitter, and neapolitan ice cream, it made sense in theory, not so much in practice. so who knew? apparently, 98% of fantasy football owners did. count this one a loss.

New England at Dallas (5-4)
“brady is a better field general than romo. moss and owens cancel each other out. folk has a career game.” two out of three ain’t bad. and, apparently, brady is a much better field general than romo—any day of the week and twice on sundays—for now, anyway.

New Orleans at Seattle
 (5-5)
i was wrong. i apologize. i just want to say that in both my fantasy leagues, brees was benched this week. nuff said. i’m done with this.

NY Giants at Atlanta
(6-5)
this was a given…the jet’s lost. but i didn’t expect eli to have 300+ yards. anyway, my pick was right.

well, there you have it. my picks from bosox country. i must say, as i look up from my keyboard, it’s refreshing to see half the bar leave with their rally caps on as cleveland spanked boston 4-2. now if only colorado could win another one. i’d love to talk more about this, but i think i hear the macarena playing…