Thursday, January 26, 2006

The road to hell

ESPN has finally done it. They brought together two of my favorites (Simmons and Schilling) for a five page interview today. Simmons does everything but genuflect and perform sexual favors.
Here's a typical overblown statement that perfectly illustrates my point about this column:

"But the fact remains, after staying alive over 26 innings and two nights at Fenway, your team had nobody to start Game 6 at Yankee Stadium: It was either you or Gabe Kapler."

That's funny because I remember the last time that a team sent a position player out to start a league championship game. That would be, um, ah, let me see, NEVER!! What kind of idiotic statement is that, but what do I know? I'm just a bitter Yankees fan. Why does he get to do this??? Is everyone in the country so in love with the teams from New England that they need some fawning fluff piece every other day?? It's shameful. ESPN, you should know better. Please stop the insanity!!!

I understand that coverage is skewed to the teams in the bigger cities, but this is too much. Perhaps a page for Bill Murry to talk about how he loves whatever Chicago team is doing well in a particular year. Why not have George Bush write about the Texas Longhorns (he's not even from Texas) every other day? I think the only thing missing from the article today was Simmons asking Schilling if he remembered his first blow job. I'm sure they would still be laughing (kissing and hugging as well) about that one.

(Here's another fantastic quote. Simmons is commenting on Schilling's statement that he's going to have a much better year, "Lemme translate that last paragraph for everyone: "You're an idiot if you don't spend $30-35 on me for your 2006 AL-only roto team." Done and done. I already had you in my "Poised for a comeback year" category, now I'm moving you to the top of the list.")

Oh and while I'm doing that can I put my hands down your pants, or perhaps you'd like to put your hands down mine. By the way, If Simmons keeps this up he'll make Lupica mad. Schilling is clearly his girlfriend. If I hear Lupica write about what a warrior Schilling is one more time, I swear I may just throw up in my mouth on the spot. Wait a second, I just did. The thought of it is that nauseating.

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